The Dichotomy of Change

sunshine-state

Change isn’t always bad. It’s not always good either, but let’s stay positive here. I’ve been trying to convince myself for the past few months that change will be good for me. Even as my life is beginning to become more fast paced and job searching has become my top priority, I’m finding myself resisting the future looming overhead. Change. It may just be the scariest word in the English language. Well, for many people.

My grandfather, although I never knew him, was a roamer at heart. He picked up my mom and her family of three sisters and a brother countless times to move them around from house to house. Some call it restlessness; I call it adventure. As much as I aspire to be like my grandfather in his consistently changing frame of mind, I am also terrified of the consequences that it may bring.

Who doesn’t want to settle down somewhere? Fear of change may be the cause of these wild adventures. We can’t ever escape the inevitable reality that this world is constantly evolving to bigger and better things. The internet changed the human experience indefinitely, and who’s to say another game changing invention isn’t on the rise as we speak?

People who embrace change and are able to mold happily into its devouring arms are the people that are what Darwin would call the stronger, more fit of the group. See, according to Darwin, I will not survive. Maybe I am the lesser, the non-adaptable grandma that will not budge from her old ways. I’ve always been one to cling to the things in life I find to be most precious to me. That, unfortunately, would be the people closest to me.

I only say that it is unfortunate because life brings an array of unexpected events that may lead these people away from me. Well, let’s be honest. Life’s events will inevitably lead the closest people in our lives away from us. While not always permanent, these changes hurt. They cause more discomfort than most people want to acknowledge.

The truth is that people leave. Whether they want to or not, people could walk out of our lives at any given second. It’s that unprepared feeling that consumes its victims in a wildly raging depression. Death. Divorce. Fidelity. Relocation. They each come with a separate shock value that burns us to our core.

I’ve been in Florida for a single month and I’m homesick, looking for any way to come back to my comfort zone in Athens. I know that if I stay, things will probably get better. I also know that if I go back, things will be better right away. Here’s the impatience that society has socialized me to believe is normal. If I graduate college in May, I should have a job by June. False.

The truth is life is unpredictable. We don’t know what lies around the next bend. We only know what lies in the present. Our past is remembered much better than it actually was. It makes our reminiscing days much more satisfactory. However, our present can only change its effect on our lives if we do something to spur greatness.

I guess I’m trying to give myself a pep talk here and tell myself to live in the moment instead of reminiscing all of my wonderful times spent in the greatest college town to ever grace these United States. However, my pep talk needs a bit of a boost from an outside reader. I’m defying my desires to run home where its safe and instead changing my pace and running full speed ahead into the unknown. It’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

Maybe this is what my grandfather Bill felt each time he picked up the family and moved to a new house. The excitement of a new adventure and the fear of another life altering change loom over my uneasy heart. Do I stick it out and see what the sunshine state has to offer, or do I apply to places where my heart feels most content and begin a brand new adventure elsewhere?

Only time will truly tell.

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